One by one, a stone is chosen and hurled at my most vulnerable spots…
You never should have said that.
You never should have done that.
You aren’t as nice as _____ and everyone knows it.
You are a burden to everyone.
Everyone hates talking to you.
You just take and take and take.
You never seek people out.
You never help people.
People don’t want to hear what you have to say.
People wish you wouldn’t talk.
You are worse than everyone at everything.
Everyone else seeks out people and are always kind.
Everyone else is always patient.
Everyone else is always on time.
Everyone else is a good listener.
Everyone else never talks about their husband poorly.
Everyone else is grateful.
Everyone else is more diligent and intentional with their time.
Everyone else puts people first all the time.
You should just never leave your house.
You shouldn’t go to that group.
Everyone groans inside when they see your name on the roster.
Everyone tunes out when you speak.
You talk too much.
You complain too much.
You are more selfish than anyone else.
You are so self-absorbed.
People do not want to spend time with you.
People intentionally do not invite you because you bring the mood down.
……
…Until I am broken, bleeding, limping, the stones are hurled over and over until I am buried and suffocating under the weight of them. Wanting to run, curl up and hide from view, hide from light, hide from everyone else who is fine, content, perfect.
But I am the one holding the stone. I am the one pouring down the darkness on myself. I am the devil on my own shoulder telling me I should not be around people; that I am better off alone where I can’t hurt or offend.
And then He steps in, my Great Rescuer. He sends a friend to listen, who breaks open the walls of stones I have heaped on myself, lending me a crack of light to lead the way out into the sun again. He reminds me that the ruler of this world is a lion, crouching and waiting for someone to devour, and he almost does devour me, if not for my rescuer who saves me in the 11th hour; my Rescuer who has won all battles, so I will never be completely defeated or destroyed. My Great Rescuer reminds me that he knows I am broken; that he wants to use my cracks and fractures for his glory, to fill them with his perfect power, strength, truth and character where, and when, I fail.
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.
Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
- 2 Corinthians 4:7-18
Seasoned Life 